Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm a detective. I will detect.

Deputy Commissioner: What are you doing? I told you to back off, Peralta.
Jake: First off, the name's Santiago. Detective Amy Santiago. Second, I'm arresting your son. Which, as I say it aloud, seems like an unwise choice, but it's the one I'm making. Once again, my name is Amy Santiago.

Rosa: Thank you, Carlene. Your entire life is garbage.

Sergeant Jeffords: Baby, I've got some bad news. Someone painted a giant penis on our minivan. No, you can not have an SUV now. Those things roll, baby, they roll!