Captain Holt: Police approval ratings are - pardon my language - in the commode.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Jake: Boyle, they found one of the stolen paintings at her house.
Charles: But she says she didn't know how it ended up there.
She's being set up.
Jake: Framed! Art joke. Continue.

Jake: Let's go free an innocent woman.
Charles: Nice. My dreams are coming true. You and me getting my lady off together.
Jake: I mean, you know how that sounds, right?

Captain Holt: Gina, as you predicted, there was some backlash to the poster campaign.
Gina: Yes. I'm the Nostradamus of your shame.