Captain Holt: Boyle, have you seen Sergeant Jeffords?
Charles: Oh, do you mean Sore-gent Jeff-hurts?
Captain Holt: He didn't make it home last night, Boyle.
Charles: Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
Captain Holt: You should be. He could be in grave danger, and you just flippantly called him Sore-gent.
Charles: Oh, my God. I'm the worst. Who does that?
Captain Holt: Well, his car's still here, so I don't think he ever left the building. He's probably fine.
Charles: What? Then why did you make me feel so bad?
Captain Holt: To teach you a lesson about about the destructive power of wordplay.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Rosa: I'm sorry. I just don't think this is something you're good at.
Gina: What? The only thing I'm not good at is modesty, because I'm great at it.

Sergeant Jeffords: Captain Holt, I need a - what's going on?
Captain Holt: My doctor said I should be more active, but my squash club recently transitioned to racquetball. Since I'm not a dope-smoking hooligan, I decided to quit.

Amy: So, your sister's a bit of a nightmare.
Jake: I wouldn't say that. I mean, at most, she's a daymare.
Amy: Those are so much scarier.
Jake: Yeah.