Gina: Amy, I too have a gift, okay? Tonight, until the stroke of midnight, I will not make fun of you in any way at all, no matter what.
Amy: That is so sweet. And my gift to you is a cray-cray night of funky fun!
Gina: I fear I've already made the biggest mistake of my life.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Gina: Have you seen Captain Holt? Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot.

Amy: I'm so excited for tonight. Thank you to my best friend, Kylie, for organizing this. And thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen.
Rosa: I still don't get why you guys are here.
Hitchcock: Well, as I understand it, Amy lost some sort of bet with Jake.
Amy: It's true. In hindsight, we should probably stop making major decisions through bets and competitions.

Sergeant Jeffords: We've been at this bachelor party for over an hour, wandering around aimlessly and we haven't done one bachelor party thing!
Captain Holt: Well, Terry, if you'd like, I could share a lewd story. Kevin got me quite horny this morning.
Jake: Oh, see?

Jake: And gentlemen, welcome to my bachelor party. This is the elite party squad. That is, assuming the captain is ready to let loose?
Captain Holt: Captain? I don't think so. I want you guys to think of me as one of the boys. So tonight I'll be swapping out my captain's hat for my Kangol hat. Call me Raymond.