Rosa: What the hell were you thinking? You're lucky you just dislocated your knee.
Amy: How do you know it's dislocated?
Rosa: I went to med school for three years.
Amy: You did? When?
Rosa: That's not the point! Why did you jump off the building?

Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Jake: Where did I put them? Let's see. I had them in my left hand, and then I went to open the trunk, so I switched to my right hand. Oh, but then I had to sneeze, and I thought, "I don't want to sneeze on these keys." Dr. Seuss. Not really, but should be. "Do not sneeze on my keys. Do not wheeze on my keys. Do not sneeze on your knees on my keys, if you please."
Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, could you please move along on this thought journey?
Jake: Yeah, right, sorry. Okay, so then I put them on top of a plastic tub, which is locked inside the car. The keys are locked inside the car!
Sergeant Jeffords: Why?!

Gina: What are we looking for? Can you describe the envelope?
Captain Holt: It was a white number ten. It's the same kind you use to send fan mail to yourself.
Gina: I've never done that, but I do know what envelopes my fans use, so that's very helpful.

Olivia Crawford: Half of the committee supports John Kelly, and the other half is divided between the two of us.
Captain Holt: We're splitting the vote.
Olivia Crawford: So for either of us to have a chance, one of us needs to step aside.
Captain Holt: Exactly.
Olivia Crawford: You should drop out.
Captain Holt: Is what you said to yourself in the mirror this morning instead of checking your eye for goop. And I agree. You should drop out.
Olivia Crawford: Is what you said to yourself in the mirror this morning while polishing your head.