Amy: So I heard from One Police Plaza. They received my letter, and apparently they also received hundreds of others in support of C. J.
Gina: Yeah, Emily and I sent those in. So Emily, what was that burn I had you write down for Amy because I didn't want to forget it?
Emily: "Why so sad? Did you just find out American Girl doesn't make clothes in adult sizes?"
Gina: No.
Emily: "Steven Seagal called and he wants his ponytail back"?
Gina: Huh-uh.
Emily: "Gina: Hey, Amy, what did one graphing calculator say to the other one? Amy: What? Gina: Why does the sad lady own two of us?"
Gina: That's it!

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Captain Holt: Actually I borrowed $3,000 from my walking group friend Ruth.
[cut to Holt and Ruth power walking]
Captain Holt: Ruth, I'm going to be straight with you. I accidentally knocked up a woman.
Ruth: Greg!
Captain Holt: You know me. I see a pair of thick weighty breasts and all logic flies out the window.
[later]
Jake: Heterosexual you is such a dog.

Amy: Guys, guys, the marshal gave me good news about Jake.
Charles: Jake's back. Jake's back! Oh, we're not ready. We need gummy worms. We need them now!

Jake: Also it probably goes without saying, but it's chill to whiz in this thing. I mean, I have been. You can if you want. I haven't been if you haven't. Have you? I haven't. Have you?