Gina: Here.
Charles: You took my phone?
Gina: Yeah. I had to delete your GIF keyboard and your three "Property Brothers" emoji apps.
Charles: Wait. Did you delete them because-
Amy: Yeah. You're on the office text chain.
Charles: Are you serious? This is amazing.
Gina: Yeah, well I was totally against it, but Amy felt bad because you seemed so pathetic.

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Captain Holt: Oh, I see. So the only thing we have to go on is the word of one of your criminal friends?
Doug Judy: Criminals? That's how you see us? Is it a crime to steal bread to feed your family? Or to sell some weed so you can buy video games? Or to steal video games because you smoked all that weed you were supposed to sell?
Captain Holt: Yes, all of those are crimes.
Doug Judy: Damn. Even the bread one?
Captain Holt: Especially the bread one.

Captain Holt: No, no, no. He's not a cop. He can't be wearing any of this.
Jake: It's just a windbreaker. It's not like I gave him a badge and a gun. ... Uh, he has both of those things.
Doug Judy: It's not loaded. I just want to cock it and say a cool cop catch phrase. (COCKS GUN) New York's finest just got a whole lot finer.

Doug Judy: Damn, it feels good to be on the same team for once. A cop and a criminal working together. (GASPS) We need a theme song. The Pontiac Bandit and Jake the cop-
Jake: Oh!
Doug Judy: Taking down crooks, In the streets where they live, Flirting with girls who are hot for the badge-
Jake: There's a talking police dog that helps them solve crime.