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Quote from the episode The Cruise

Amy: I got five down. I figured out the theme. It's boats.
Doug Judy: Okay, I get it. She's smart and lovable; you're scrappy and lovable; together you're just lovable and lovable.

Quote from the episode The Fugitive (Part 2)

Jake: I'm looking for your foster brother, George.
Doug Judy: Hate the guy. Stole from my mom, burned our house down. Worst of all, he ran off with my LP of Phil Collins' "No Jacket Required." It's my favorite album. Haven't heard it in 20 years.
Jake: I mean, can't you just stream it?
Doug Judy: Can't do that to Phil. "Sussudio" demands vinyl.
Jake: Right. Vinyl and whatnot.

Quote from the episode The Negotiation

Jake: But what about your job? What about Dustin from "Stranger Things"?
Doug Judy: Famous kids are monsters. You do not wanna meet Young Sheldon.
Jake: Really? Ah, that's disappointing. He was so good in "Big Little Lies". Wait, no, we are not talking about this right now!

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Doug Judy: Jake, help me. I don't want to die. I'm still on second season of "Game of Thrones."

Quote from the episode A Tale of Two Bandits

Jake: So did you check out Judy's alibi?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes, and surprisingly, it checks out. Last Saturday night, Doug was deejaying Joshy Greenbaum's bar mitzvah.
Doug Judy: That was a wild party. Auntie Karen is a freak.
Jake: Judy, you deejay bar mitzvahs?
Doug Judy: Best gig I ever had. No one likes hip-hop more than a 13-year-old Jewish boy.
Jake: Mm. So true.

Quote from the episode The Fugitive (Part 2)

Doug Judy: Damn, it feels good to be on the same team for once. A cop and a criminal working together. (GASPS) We need a theme song. The Pontiac Bandit and Jake the cop-
Jake: Oh!
Doug Judy: Taking down crooks, In the streets where they live, Flirting with girls who are hot for the badge-
Jake: There's a talking police dog that helps them solve crime.

Quote from the episode The Fugitive (Part 2)

Captain Holt: Grand theft auto. Grand theft auto. Grand theft auto. Dog fraud.
Doug Judy: I sold a guy a fake Pekinese. 'Twas a cat.
Captain Holt: You will not win me over with your use of "'twas.
Doug Judy: 'Twasn't trying to.
Jake: (SNORTS)

Quote from the episode The Pontiac Bandit Returns

Jake: You are not to enjoy it.
Doug Judy: I can't help it. I'm proud of you. You're like a son to me. A white, crispy son.
Jake: How would that even work? Am I adopted?
Doug Judy: No, your mother's just really pale. Almost invisible.

Quote from the episode The Fugitive (Part 2)

Captain Holt: How do we even know George did it? I mean, nobody saw him. But there was a prolific car thief at the scene of the crime.
Doug Judy: You talking about me? I'm a cop now.
Captain Holt: No, you're not.
Doug Judy: Then why do I have a badge and a gun? (COCKS GUN) The thin blue line just got thick as hell.

Quote from the episode The Negotiation

Doug Judy: Two years ago before I went straight, I stole a car from a drug dealer. Martin Halloway.
Jake: Oh, no, Judy, he's a bad guy.
Doug Judy: I know. When I realized it was his car, I torched it along with the drugs that were in the trunk that I didn't know about.
Jake: Oh, no, Judy. Trunk drugs?
Doug Judy: Millions of dollars of them. Halloway just found out it was me. Said I had to do a job for him to pay off my debt.
Jake: But did you tell him you went straight? Did you tell him about Dustin?
Doug Judy: I did. He said he doesn't watch "Stranger Things".
Jake: Oh, this guy is the worst.

Quote from the episode The Negotiation

Doug Judy: Also, it would me my honor to sing at your wedding.
Jake: Yeah, I don't think that's gonna be possible.
Doug Judy: Oh, I get it. You're afraid when I open my mouth, everyone's gonna start smushing on sight.
Jake: No, I more meant that you're probably still gonna be in jail.
Doug Judy: Damn, that's right. I almost forgot. Tell you what. I'll record you some songs. "Kiss From a Rose" really exploits my range.

Quote from the episode The Negotiation

Doug Judy: We'll be safe here. I know the owner. He'd never turn me in.
Jake: Yeah, I have the exact same relationship with the guy who runs the laser tag place I love. I mean, gun range.
Doug Judy: Peralta, who you out here stuntin' for, huh? I love laser-T. We gotta go sometime, man.
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that. I wasn't stunting.
Doug Judy: A little bit.
Jake: A little stunting.
Doug Judy: You stunted.
Jake: A little bit.

Quote from the episode The Negotiation

Jake: Ugh, I can't believe you deceived me. I can't believe you used my love for your mother against me.
Doug Judy: I love that you love her.
Jake: Of course I do. She's a living saint.
Doug Judy: Amen.

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Doug Judy: I brought you here 'cause I'm in peril.
Jake: Pfft. Peril.
Doug Judy: Don't "pfft" my peril.
Jake: Pfft.
Doug Judy: Somebody's trying to kill me, and I need protection, so I sent for my best friend.
Jake: I am not your best friend. I'm your worst enemy. Get that through your head.
Doug Judy: It's this kind of bickering that makes us such an adorable couple.

Quote from the episode The Cruise

Jake: Whatever, Judy. You're under arrest.
Doug Judy: You can't arrest me, boo. We're in international waters, which is also why I can smoke as much weed as I want. Welcome to the high seas.
Jake: No, no way that that's true. Amy, tell me I can arrest him right now.
Amy: Judy's right. We have no jurisdiction. Technically this boat flies under the flag of Uzbekistan.
Doug Judy: Uh-oh, your girl knows about the Uzbeks!

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