Rosa: So Jake's doing the right thing instead of the selfish thing? [to Amy] You did this to him.

Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Captain Holt: Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum.
Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all.
Never vacation in Banff.

Captain Holt: When people say, "Good morning," they mean, "Hello." When people say, "How are you?" they mean, "Hello." When people say, "What's up?" they mean, "I am a person not worth talking to."

Captain Holt: Five minutes left. What have I missed? Professional handshake.
Amy: We did that. Fingers with a half-centimeter spread, up, down, then separate.
Captain Holt: Good. Acceptable fabrics?
Amy: Cotton or cotton blend. Wool is for outerwear only, and silk is for sex workers or musicians.
Captain Holt: Right. Good desserts?
Amy: There are none. If you are hungry, you should have had more dinner.
Captain Holt: That's it! We're done. You've been mentored.