Charles: Oh, I found the romance section. Now, first, I will need the names of the two people you're choosing between.
Rosa: I will not be telling you any information about them.
Charles: No problem. We can work with that. I will just call them by their initials.
Rosa: No.
Charles: I will call them "Couscous" and "Quinoa."
Rosa: Whatever.
Charles: Okay, now, for this to work right, you need to answer these questions without thinking. Who makes you laugh more?
Rosa: Quinoa.
Charles: Who has softer lips?
Rosa: Couscous.
Charles: A new Cirque du Soleil's in town. You have the two best seats in the house. Who are you bringing?
Rosa: Is this a reward or a punishment?
Charles: You decide.
Rosa: Quinoa.
Charles: Great. Next question: You die and become a ghost. The rules of the afterlife are that of the movie "Casper." Whose house would you rather haunt?
Rosa: How many more of these questions are there?
Charles: 309.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Rosa: Hey. So you know how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, then we tried to make it work, but the distance was too much and we broke up again?
Charles: No. The last thing you told me about yourself was that you were bi.

Amy: Okay, I've got something.
Jake: Oh. That's not Brandon's profile. It's mine.
Amy: I just want a quick peek at your attendance record. Zero absences. Oh, mama Printing this for later.
Jake: Keep it in your pants, Santiago.
Amy: Oh, that's exactly where it's going.

Captain Holt: Why is everyone gathered around the radio? Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system?