Quotes from ‘Operation Broken Feather’

Operation Broken Feather

Operation Broken Feather
Season 1, Episode 15 - Aired February 2, 2014

Jake is upset when he learns Amy is considering leaving the precinct to work with "the Vulture" at the Special Crimes unit. Meanwhile, Jeffords helps Captain Holt reorganize the precinct to make it more productive.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Quote from Charles

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Amy, check it out.
Amy: Nice! You got it framed?
Jake: Of course. It commemorates our victory over the Vulture, the greatest day in human history. Sorry the tear gas made you look like a demon dog at the end of Ghostbusters.

Quote from Jake

Jake: So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.
Captain Holt: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?
Jake: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.
Captain Holt: I pity your dentist.
Jake: Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: (At cinema to see Moneyball) The statistical analysis. (Sobs) It's so beautiful.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Darn it. I had a belly dancing class. Tonight was Egyptian undulation.
Gina: Oooh, show us some moves.
Charles: Sure.
Captain Holt: Dismissed!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Fire Marshall Boone, we meet again.
Boone: Detective Peralta. Your fly's down. I made you look.
Jake: I didn't look and I'm wearing shorts. There is no fly.
Boone: That's not what your mom said.
Jake: You make no sense.
Boone: And now I'm inside your head.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Boone: You don't have to dance every time.
Sergeant Jeffords: True, but I choose to dance every time.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Any time Mount Diaz erupts, everyone in the squad avoids her.
Captain Holt: Mount Diaz. Humorous. Yes.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Good Lord. Where did he get that?
Captain Holt: Oh, my God, we're doomed. Boyle looks like a lesbian.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Don't worry, I had a backup plan. I distracted her with a mirror. She's like a cockatiel, sir. Fascinated by her own reflection.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Ah, Captain Holt. You look very ... sad? I can never tell.

Quote from Rosa

Bill: Name's Bill Voss, just got this thing in the mail, said I won a free Bahamas cruise!
Sergeant Jeffords: Congratulations, Bill! *Holds up police badge* You have six outstanding warrants for credit fraud!
Bill: Oh, man! Can't it wait 'til I get back from the Bahamas? I won a cruise!
Rosa: You're not very bright, are you, Bill?

Quote from Jake

Jake: See, Amy, fun thing about working cases, you meet people from all over the world.
Mlepnos: This song is a celebration song for when a dog loses its virginity.
Jake:[chuckling] Who checks that?

Quote from Jake

Jake: Irwin, how would you like the honour of being the first man to undress in front of Amy Santiago?

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Are you familiar with the story of Icarus? He didn't want to quit, he flew too close to the sun, his wax wings melted and he died.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Are you familiar with the story of Moneyball? A man uses statistics and logic to win several baseball games. It's my favorite film.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Tell me, what room is right down the hall from her desk?
Captain Holt: The bathroom.
Sergeant Jeffords: If people are afraid to walk by Diaz, bathroom breaks will be to a minimum.

Quote from Jake

Amy: What's going on in there?
Hotel worker: An auction of Greek antiquities.
Jake: Ah, I believe it's pronounced "antiques".
Amy: I'm sorry about my partner.
He's never been to a museum.
Jake: Have so.
Amy: Wax museums don't count.
Jake: Then why are they called museums? It's right there in the name.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'm flying high, Sergeant, and I'm never coming down.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Come on, we only have three minutes. It's like you're not even trying to confess!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Another helpful hint.
Captain Holt: Goodbye.
Jake: It's learning!

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Now, I know you'd all prefer to go to a bar, drink beer, and eat chips of various textures.

Quote from Jake

Jake: We still have to process the perp. You love processing. It's your favorite thing, after organizing your emails and replacing toilet paper rolls.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Ahem. Hello, boys. Welcome to your own office. I hear you're trying to make the precinct more efficient.
Sergeant Jeffords: Gina, what are you doing in the Captain's chair?
Captain Holt: Please. I am open to any ideas about efficiency.
Gina: I have narrowed the problem down to one location. The Holt-Jeffords vortex. Things would go a lot faster if the two of you did less experimenting and more working. And I'm not the only one who thinks that.

Quote from Jake

Jake: In fact, if it helps, I wrote you a letter of recommendation. Which is riddled with spelling errors, I might add. Including the word "recommendation". Which is just ... I don't have to tell you about that. There's no way there's four Ms in that word, right?

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Brief me on the hotel robberies.
Jake: Helpful hint to the scientists that program you. Most humans say "Hello" at the beginning of a conversation.

Quote from Gina

Gina: I'd describe the workflow today as dismal with a tiny dash of pathetic.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Do you have a murder suspect to question?
Jake: He is in the interrogation room as we speak, sitting and, I assume, stewing. I put on a song that I think sums up his situation nicely.
[in the interrogation room, Sonny & Cher's "I Got You Babe" plays]
Jake: Because, you see-
Captain Holt: You got him, babe. I understood the wordplay, yes.

Quote from The Vulture

The Vulture: Yo, is this a police station or a toilet? 'Cause all I see is turds.
Charles: Oh, Detective Pembroke. Oh, no. I spilled coffee on you by accident.
The Vulture: Lucky for you, this wipes off quickly. This coat's made out of whale skin.

Quote from The Vulture

Rosa: Hey, Pembroke. What do you say we go talk about a case in the break room?
The Vulture: Oh, yeah? What case is that?
Rosa: The case of how you got so damn sexy.
The Vulture: God owed me a favor. Case solved.

Quote from The Vulture

The Vulture: And out of the tear gas rises the Phoenix.

Quote from Jake

The Vulture: Hey, Peralta. I got it from here.
Jake: All right, fine. I'll just go then- With this fully signed confession. We did it, Gus!
Gus: Whoo! Suck it, Vulture. I killed that guy and his neighbor, but you were too late.
Jake: Whoo! Wait, you killed his neighbor?

Quote from Gina

Gina: First batch of arrest files is done-zo Washington.
Sergeant Jeffords: There's only three files here. It's been an hour.
Gina: Yeah, I know. It has not been a productive morning. For example, somebody used the toaster in front of Boyle. And then Boyle spent 30 minutes lecturing him on how to make a sandwich. I'd describe the work flow today as dismal with a tiny, little splash of pathetic.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: I may have a solution. We need to compstat the office. What is compstat? It's just using data to identify problem spots in the neighborhood. Now, I have been taking notes on points of friction in this office for years. The red areas are places where no work gets done. If we can fix these problems without anyone knowing what we're doing, we will finish on time.
Captain Holt: Are you saying you want to secretly perform scientific experiments on your friends and coworkers to increase efficiency?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes.
Captain Holt: Sounds fun, let's do it.

Quote from The Vulture

Amy: [as The Vulture shows off his underwear band] The Vladimir Putin collection?
The Vulture: Yeah, 70 bucks a pair. And they only increase in value.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: It's my birthday. I hate birthdays. If you wish me a Happy Birthday, I will punch you.
Scully: You're a funny little bird, Diaz. Happy Birthday.
[Rosa punches Scully]

Quote from Jake

Jake: NYPD.
Mlepnos: Yes? Mlepnos.
Jake: Oh, boy.
Amy: NYPD, sir. Have you seen anything unusual today?
Mlepnos: Oh, no. This was nice, thank you.

Quote from Jake

Jake: The thief's name is Benjamin Disanto. Here's an old mug shot. He's surprisingly photogenic. A lot of criminals are, strangely.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Captain Holt: Tell me about the Boyle-linetti reaction.
Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle gets cold a lot because of what he calls his-
[cut to:]
Charles: Medically diagnosed thin skin.
[back:]
Sergeant Jeffords: So he goes to the lost and found, and he grabs something that's usually unflattering. That's when Gina gets involved.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Good afternoon, sir, I'm Detective Peralta. This is Detective always-stays-loyal. She's named after her father Alvin stays-loyal.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hello, everyone. My name is Roger Strikewell, and I will be your guest auctioneer this evening. So many faces to look at. I won a radio contest, and I'm so excited to be here tonight to sell you all of these cool, old, Greek things. Our first item up for bid is lot number 344. It is this old "vase," "vahs" if you're nasty. It was made in the year five and depicts the classic Greek fable: Boy meets girl, boy has goat legs. And on the back, just a whole bunch of wheat. So let's start the bidding at $10. [all hands go up] Okay, started it way too low.

Quote from Jake

Adam Sandler: This is terrible you don't know what you're doing.
Jake: Adam Sandler?
Adam Sandler: Yeah, that's right. I collect antiquities. I'm a serious person. I'm writing a movie right now about the Russian revolution.
Jake: Oh, really? Who does Kevin James play in it?
Adam Sandler: Ha, ha. It's a serious movie. Trotsky.
Jake: Ah, there it is.
Adam Sandler: But he's got a wife who never wears a bra. I think you're gonna like it.
Jake: Thanks for dressing up, by the way.

Quote from Jake

Adam Sandler: New item up there. How much you guys wanna pay for me to stick my socks in this moron's mouth?
Joe Theismann: I will.
Jake: Did football legend Joe Theismann just bid $1,000 to put a sock in my mouth?
Joe Theismann: You bet.

Quote from Jake

Joe Theismann: My leg! My leg! You broke my other leg.
Jake: Uh.
Joe Theismann: Oh, this was supposed to be a safe event.
Jake: Nothing to see here. Except for the bone, sticking out of the leg.
Adam Sandler: Joe, I video'd it!

Quote from Jake

Jake: What a day, huh? Met Adam Sandler, broke Joe Theismann's leg, and solved an awesome case together.
Amy: Yeah, good day.
Jake: Hell yeah, it is. Drinks are on me.

Quote from Jake

Jake: You know what? You're being a bad partner. You're joining forces with the enemy. And from now on, I'm gonna call you "the cheetah." They're scavengers, just like vultures. And I kinda wish I hadn't said it, 'cause they're pretty cool. Come on, jewel thief. You're my only friend now.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Scully, what are you doing at my desk? And working? What is going on today?

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Updates on the case?
Jake: Well, you're gonna love this one. We busted the guy for grand larceny. And to celebrate, Santiago is taking a job interview at major crimes. Can you believe that?
Captain Holt: Yes, she told me yesterday.
Jake: What? Why didn't you try and talk her out of it? She would literally shave her head if you asked her to. Which, by the way, is a great idea for a prank, if you're looking to prank her.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Santiago wants to make Captain one day. I know, because I've frequently caught her wearing my hat and looking into a mirror.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I'm begging you, please, we have to stop. Boyle is still smoldering.

Quote from Rosa

Gina: And I'm not the only one who thinks that.
Charles: You melted my fringe.
Rosa: You think I have an anger problem? I don't. You are both dead to me.

Quote from The Vulture

The Vulture: Lookee, lookee. I thought I saw your big, white ass lumbering around. As for you, Santiago, well, now you certainly showed your true colors, didn't you? And they're a shade of pink called "loser."

Quote from Gina

Gina: Sweet sweater, Charles. You look like you're starring in an Albanian remake of The Cosby Show. Dr. Huxtable, Dr. Huxtable.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I have to admit, I do love a thorough vacuumer. I'm a little OCD.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Hello, Peralta.
Jake: Ah, a human greeting. Nicely done.

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