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Quote from the episode New Captain

The Vulture: Whasup, ding dongs? I'm your new captain.
Jake: The Vulture.
Amy: Oh, this is bad.
Charles: No.
Rosa: Still hot.
The Vulture: I know we have our history. Me vulturing your cases. Me telling you to eat my farts. But that's all in the past. Because now that I run this precinct, things are going to get much, much worse. So suck it.
Jake: No!

Quote from the episode The Vulture

The Vulture: I mean, what was it with Diaz's last "impossible" extortion case? What was it? Six hours?
Rosa: That's because it was 98% solved.
The Vulture: The last 2%'s the hardest to get. That's why they leave it in the milk.
Jake: What?

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

The Vulture: All right, sluggers.
Let's see what you got for the big b-day bash.
Amy: I thought you wanted us to surprise you.
The Vulture: It's a figure of speech, Detective Stupid-ago.

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

Amy: Well, I was thinking a DJ, two signature cocktails, passed hors d'oeuvres-
The Vulture: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Passed hors d'oeuvres? What is this, a fundraiser for French dorks?

Quote from the episode Suicide Squad

Jake: So, this apartment will be our base for the duration of the mission. Thank you to The Vulture for procuring it.
The Vulture: Hey, don't thank me. Thank my boy, Billy. He said the place was mine while he's still in prison.
Jake: What?
The Vulture: That's not what it sounds like. His only crime was planning a kickass music festival.
Jake: Are you friends with the Fyre Festival guy?
The Vulture: Best friends. He got a bum rap. You can learn about it when my documentary comes out. It points all the blame where it clearly belongs with the island people.
Jake: Wow, so many levels of terrible there.

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

Jake: Captain, we all want you to win that bet, but do you think maybe we could keep a few real cases?
The Vulture: Look, I'm gonna keep it real simple for you. We only solve misdemeanors, wieners. Say it.

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

The Vulture: Congratulations. You just called yourself wieners. Dismissed.

Quote from the episode Suicide Squad

Jake: What are you doing? You were gonna get promoted out of Missing Persons.
The Vulture: Your plan went to hell, tough guy. Wuntch she came to me with a much better one. Guess what she's giving me for betraying you? My dream job captain of the-
Jake: 69th precinct.
The Vulture: Bingo.

Quote from the episode The Funeral

Jake: So listen, I've been thinking, we got off on the wrong foot here. And I believe it's because we're just too damn similar.
The Vulture: You do?
Jake: Absolutely. We both love premium tequila. Robin Thicke.
The Vulture: Oh yeah.
Jake: Gots to have my puks.
The Vulture: Gots to.
Jake: And, of course, most importantly, nip slips.
The Vulture: Ha. Let me ask you a question, Jake. Do you also like Okinawan martial arts? Because you left this in my back.
What I'm saying, Einstein, is that you stabbed me in my back.

Quote from the episode The Funeral

The Vulture: Busted! I knew you were faking it. I bet you don't even like nip slips.

Quote from the episode The Funeral

The Vulture: You know, I've made a lot of improvements since you left. I got a fridge for my protein shakes. I got a kettlebell station. I got a wolf that I killed in Utah.
Captain Holt: I'm fairly certain that's a dog.
The Vulture: Yeah, it was dark.

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

The Vulture: All right, ladies. I don't have a lot of time here, so what's say you act like Boyle's mom and debrief me?

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

The Vulture: It's because I got a bet going with the captain of the A4 to see whose squad can solve the most cases.
Winner gets to choose a tattoo for the loser, and guess what I'm getting him.
Jake: Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian Devil?
The Vulture: No, it's supposed to be a bad tattoo. Man, you're really stupid in the morning, aren't you?

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

The Vulture: Was that the sound of a juicy file I heard plopping down on Peralta's desk? Yeah, it was. You just lost your overtime privileges for the month. Everybody, listen up. Anyone caught working on a case that I didn't assign loses their overtime. Capooch?

Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer

Amy: So no passed hors d'oeuvres?
The Vulture: I can't even answer that.
All right, tough guy. What do you got planned?
Rosa: I don't know. Meet at a bar and ... drink there.
The Vulture: That's it? Well, it's still better than Santiago's.
Look, this is real important to me, all right? My brother's hot wife is gonna be there, and I haven't seen her since his funeral.
Amy: Wow.
The Vulture: Yeah, right? I mean, you only get one shot at your brother's widow.

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