Quote from the episode Suicide Squad
Jake: So, this apartment will be our base for the duration of the mission. Thank you to The Vulture for procuring it.
The Vulture: Hey, don't thank me. Thank my boy, Billy. He said the place was mine while he's still in prison.
Jake: What?
The Vulture: That's not what it sounds like. His only crime was planning a kickass music festival.
Jake: Are you friends with the Fyre Festival guy?
The Vulture: Best friends. He got a bum rap. You can learn about it when my documentary comes out. It points all the blame where it clearly belongs with the island people.
Jake: Wow, so many levels of terrible there.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
The Vulture: Hello, Peralta.
Jake: No, no, no!
The Vulture: I don't know why you're so upset, man. I'm the one who had to come to this backwater stink hole. [to Charles] What's up, little man?
Charles: What's up?
The Vulture: Feeling sexy? Huh?
Charles: Yeah, I feel sexy.
The Vulture: Yeah, you look sexy, man.
Charles: You know I do.
The Vulture: Watch out for that door. [to Sergeant Jeffords] Yo, how much you bench, seriously?
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Rosa: Hey, Pembroke. What do you say we go talk about a case in the break room?
The Vulture: Oh, yeah? What case is that?
Rosa: The case of how you got so damn sexy.
The Vulture: God owed me a favor. Case solved.
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
Amy: So no passed hors d'oeuvres?
The Vulture: I can't even answer that.
All right, tough guy. What do you got planned?
Rosa: I don't know. Meet at a bar and ... drink there.
The Vulture: That's it? Well, it's still better than Santiago's.
Look, this is real important to me, all right? My brother's hot wife is gonna be there, and I haven't seen her since his funeral.
Amy: Wow.
The Vulture: Yeah, right? I mean, you only get one shot at your brother's widow.
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
Amy: Well, I was thinking a DJ, two signature cocktails, passed hors d'oeuvres-
The Vulture: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Passed hors d'oeuvres? What is this, a fundraiser for French dorks?
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
The Vulture: It's because I got a bet going with the captain of the A4 to see whose squad can solve the most cases.
Winner gets to choose a tattoo for the loser, and guess what I'm getting him.
Jake: Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian Devil?
The Vulture: No, it's supposed to be a bad tattoo. Man, you're really stupid in the morning, aren't you?
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
The Vulture: All right, sluggers. Let's see what you got for the big b-day bash.
Amy: I thought you wanted us to surprise you.
The Vulture: It's a figure of speech, Detective Stupid-ago.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
The Vulture: I mean, what was it with Diaz's last "impossible" extortion case? What was it? Six hours?
Rosa: That's because it was 98% solved.
The Vulture: The last 2%'s the hardest to get. That's why they leave it in the milk.
Jake: What?
Quote from the episode New Captain
The Vulture: Whasup, ding dongs? I'm your new captain.
Jake: The Vulture.
Amy: Oh, this is bad.
Charles: No.
Rosa: Still hot.
The Vulture: I know we have our history. Me vulturing your cases. Me telling you to eat my farts. But that's all in the past. Because now that I run this precinct, things are going to get much, much worse. So suck it.
Jake: No!
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
Jake: Captain, we all want you to win that bet, but do you think maybe we could keep a few real cases?
The Vulture: Look, I'm gonna keep it real simple for you. We only solve misdemeanors, wieners. Say it.
Quote from the episode The Vulture
The Vulture: Thanks, champ. Good effort. I got it from here. And, hey, you feel free to call me anytime you need me to come down here and help powder that big white ass of yours.
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Amy: [as The Vulture shows off his underwear band] The Vladimir Putin collection?
The Vulture: Yeah, 70 bucks a pair. And they only increase in value.
Quote from the episode Suicide Squad
Jake: They have my hair? I thought you put your two worst guys on this.
The Vulture: These are my worst guys, all right? They're real dorks. They both wear glasses. And one of them's even a woman.
Jake: Ugh. You said you didn't trust them to get coffee.
The Vulture: Look, if you can't tell what "coffee" is code for by now, then you and I shouldn't be talking about this, Jake.
Amy: Oh, my God. He put his best detectives on the case.
The Vulture: Hey, my two best detectives are Sticky and Boner, and they definitely know how to order "coffee." Extra cream. Wink, wink.
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
The Vulture: Congratulations. You just called yourself wieners. Dismissed.
Quote from the episode The Oolong Slayer
The Vulture: Was that the sound of a juicy file I heard plopping down on Peralta's desk? Yeah, it was. You just lost your overtime privileges for the month. Everybody, listen up. Anyone caught working on a case that I didn't assign loses their overtime. Capooch?
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