Gina: Guys, you know how I thought it would be so much fun to lie to everyone tonight?
Jake: Yeah. Did it finally catch up with you?
Gina: No, the opposite. Someone wants to buy a company I made up on the spot. The elevator pitch had him drooling.
[cut to Gina talking to Quentin Chase]
Gina: As a mother, I'm always struggling to find quality playdates. Most two-year-olds are boring, lame duds.
Quentin Chase: All of my daughter's friends suck.
Gina: Well, with Todddddler's proprietary algorithm, you will be matched with top tots, and those boring duds they'll stay where they belong: the hell away from you and your family.

Gina: It's Gina's phone. Leave me a voice-mail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Rosa: Hey. So you know how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, then we tried to make it work, but the distance was too much and we broke up again?
Charles: No. The last thing you told me about yourself was that you were bi.

Amy: Okay, I've got something.
Jake: Oh. That's not Brandon's profile. It's mine.
Amy: I just want a quick peek at your attendance record. Zero absences. Oh, mama Printing this for later.
Jake: Keep it in your pants, Santiago.
Amy: Oh, that's exactly where it's going.

Captain Holt: Why is everyone gathered around the radio? Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system?