Captain Holt: I have a variety of timers. Do you prefer a buzz or a ding?
Jake: Don't care.
Amy: Ding.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Captain Holt: Hello, you've reached the office of Raymond Holt. I can come to the phone right now.

Amy: Okay, the topic today is whether or not we should have children. I will be taking the affirmative. You will be taking the negative. Each round will be individually scored by our judge, Captain Holt.
Captain Holt: Do you need to hear my credentials? Debate moderator license D as in delta, 8-1-0-
Jake: I believe you.
Captain Holt: Y as in Yankee, 4-1. J as in Juliet, J as in Juliet, 6.
Jake: Great.

Jake: Look, I get that you can't take any time off from work, but this is a loophole. It's still work. You know, we can hang out here and chat and catch up and laugh, and technically, we'll be doing our jobs. I call it a "casecation."
[singing] Casecation, all I ever wanted-
Amy: Ooh.
Jake: [singing] Casecation, had to get away