Jake: But you're forgetting one thing. You're not just gonna be killing a mobster. You're also gonna be killing me.
Pam: He said the blast would only hurt people in the room. You could just walk right out of here.
Jake: Pam, you know I can't do that. Now, please, just give me the bomb.
Pam: And then what? Bobby doesn't get any money and I go to jail? I can't go to jail. Every roommate I've ever had has hated me. In college, I had a roommate named Mary-Ellen, and she was dating the brother of Steve Guttenberg-

Captain Holt: Hello, you've reached the office of Raymond Holt. I can come to the phone right now.

Captain Holt: This has become more about your employment status.As your supervisor, I feel I have a conflict of interest and should abstain from judging.
Jake: Okay, so do we both get a point?
Captain Holt: No. Kevin has been on the phone all this time. He's also a licensed debate moderator.
Kevin: [v.o.] License number J as in Juliet, 2-5-9-
Jake: This means nothing to me.
Kevin: [v.o.] H as in hotel. Z as in Zulu.
Jake: Oh, thank God he stopped.
Kevin: [v.o.] 3-6-9. Point to Amy.

Jake: Look, I get that you can't take any time off from work, but this is a loophole. It's still work. You know, we can hang out here and chat and catch up and laugh, and technically, we'll be doing our jobs. I call it a "casecation."
[singing] Casecation, all I ever wanted-
Amy: Ooh.
Jake: [singing] Casecation, had to get away