Jake: But I would argue I am like a beautiful angel of love, who has trouble finding love for himself. Admit that you would see that movie.
Amy: I would.
Jake: Thank you for your honesty.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Jake: And this beautiful basketball-loving Die Hard fan is tearing down my walls of defenses. If we find out that she is half-Jewish, we are all doomed!

Gina: You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Charles: Sexy train is leaving the station. Check out this caboose. Later, sluts.