Sergeant Jeffords: Right, um, so, what's going on, sir?
Captain Holt: Oh, I have a plan to draw out Figgis's man in the FBI: Throw a funeral for Pimento. Now, before we, quote, unquote, bury Pimento, we need to, quote, unquote, open an investigation, find a, quote, unquote, corpse, and obtain a, quote, unquote, death certificate.
Gina: Kind of feel like you could have just used "air quotes."
Captain Holt: I could also wear short pants and drink from a jug that says "XXX".

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Captain Holt: This facility is a violent place filled with hardened criminals We need to send someone who can blend in.
Amy: Sir, I would be honored to take on this challenging assignment. [laughter] Why is everyone laughing? I can be a badass.
Gina: You're raising your hand right now.
Amy: We're in a meeting!

Captain Holt: Now, funeral assignments. Gina and I will greet people, shaking hands and checking for the tell-tale scar.
Sergeant Jeffords: Excuse me, sir. Are you sure you want to be on the receiving line? You hate small talk.
Captain Holt: No, I can turn it on when it's called for. "The Bachelor" is a television show, hmm? Andre Agassi's at it again. I, too, avoid gluten.

Sergeant Jeffords: Gina and I have been here 20 minutes.
Gina: Though my presence is not puzzle-related. I just followed Terry into a dark closet.