Jake: So, what are you in for, Cortez?
Amy: None of your damn business.
Jake: Nice. Keep going with that.
Amy: I'm gonna split you like a sundae with Grandpa bitch.
Jake: Okay. Okay. The "bitch" part was great.
Charles: Yeah.
Jake: Although, mean threats generally don't involve having desserts with your grandparents.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Captain Holt: This facility is a violent place filled with hardened criminals We need to send someone who can blend in.
Amy: Sir, I would be honored to take on this challenging assignment. [laughter] Why is everyone laughing? I can be a badass.
Gina: You're raising your hand right now.
Amy: We're in a meeting!

Captain Holt: Now, funeral assignments. Gina and I will greet people, shaking hands and checking for the tell-tale scar.
Sergeant Jeffords: Excuse me, sir. Are you sure you want to be on the receiving line? You hate small talk.
Captain Holt: No, I can turn it on when it's called for. "The Bachelor" is a television show, hmm? Andre Agassi's at it again. I, too, avoid gluten.

Sergeant Jeffords: Gina and I have been here 20 minutes.
Gina: Though my presence is not puzzle-related. I just followed Terry into a dark closet.