Sergeant Jeffords: Figgis' men are everywhere, and now there's hospital security at all the exits. How are we gonna escape?
Jake: Relax. There's a million ways to get out of a hospital unnoticed.
Sergeant Jeffords: Name one.
Jake: Dress up like babies.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Jake: Well, you put me on the spot.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, you brought it up.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Charles: What about me? What if something happens to Jake, and he never gets to meet my baby? I don't want to hang out with some stupid baby who's never met Jake.

Rosa: We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live.
Sergeant Jeffords: I thought you had Amy over there once.
Rosa: Yeah, it was fun. I moved the next day.

Jake: H is for Holt. He's leading us right to him. Now all we have to do is follow the trail of chocolate.
Scully: This, this is why I became a cop.