Caleb: Can I see that picture again? Oh man, those are some nice tools. I would love to spread some ribs using that sternum retractor, but they only sell those to hospitals.
Jake: Wait a minute. What did you just say?
Caleb: I said I'd love to get my little fingies in some chesties.
Jake: No, no, no. Not the super gross part. Surgery-grade tools, precise incisions around the heart, and there was no ice at the motel.
Captain Holt: Because the perp was using it for the hearts.
Jake: We're not looking for a serial killer. He stole the hearts for a transplant.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Jake: Captain. How'd you know we were here?
Captain Holt: I followed you. John Kelly gave you a "Hot Clue," didn't he? How dare you disobey me.
Jake: Come on, sir, it was a good tip and we're trying to catch a serial killer.
Captain Holt: Well then let's see this tip, this groundbreaking tip that threatens to blow the case wide open.
Jake: Okay, I know this tone. Here comes petty Holt.
Captain Holt: Naw, bitch. I'm not being petty.
Jake: You just said, "naw, bitch."

Jake: Look. We can still stop John Kelly. All we need is some hard evidence.
Captain Holt: How? He won't let us anywhere near him or One Police Plaza.
Jake: I know, which is why I've assembled a team of powerful allies in the NYPD.
Captain Holt: No, that's too risky. How do you know they're not loyal to John Kelly?
Jake: Because these people aren't loyal to anybody. I made a suicide squad!

Jake: Worst prank ever. So stupid. Holt's not even going to notice.
Captain Holt: Good morning. You guys the podium, it's... Ha. [chuckles] [laughter intensifies] [riotous laughter] [shouting] You're crazy! How did you pull this off?