Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Manhunter
Officer Debbie Fogle: Okay, I know you haven't done this in a while, so here's a tip keep your hat on. Because of all the standing still, the pigeons think we're statues and they will poop on you or peck you. Both are bad.
Captain Holt: Thank you for the helpful tip.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Oh, I've got a ton of them. They're mostly about the dangers of standing. A year on the beat without prescription insoles can take two years off your life.
Captain Holt: Any way to speed the process up?
Officer Debbie Fogle: [laughs] Okay, I've got a funny guy for a partner. But seriously, you have to monitor your foot health. I'll gonna send you a pedometer app that I use. You're gonna love it. It has robust social features. We can give each other "foot-fives"!
Captain Holt: No, thank you, I keep count of my steps in my head, like a normal person. I'm up to 6,743 for the day.
Quote from the episode Ding Dong
Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.
Quote from the episode Payback
Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.
Quote from Charles
Sergeant Jeffords: Peralta, you're in charge of the manhunt for the shooter.
Jake: Oh, my God, it's a manhunt. And I'm the Manhunter.
Charles: And I'm your sidekick, the Boyhunter.
Rosa: Come on, dude.
Quote from Amy
Amy: My period's late, I think I might be pregnant.
Rosa: Oh, damn.
Amy: I can't be pregnant! Jake and I agreed to wait at least a year until we tried. I haven't found an OB, I'm not on any preschool waiting lists, and I spent all of yesterday in a room with Hitchcock and his new cologne, which can't be good for the baby it is literally called Zika!
Quote from Charles
Jake: Boyle, gather everyone up.
Charles: Oh, we starting a burn book about Holt? Let's drag him, baby!
Jake: No, someone saw our hoodie guy.
Charles: Right, we'll do the burn book later.
Jake: Attention, everyone, we have a possible sighting of our shooter on Hoyt Street. Detective Boyle and I will take Alpha unit. Smith, Fox-
Charles: You guard the burn book.
Jake: Charles, no.
Charles: Stand down.