Charles: Street's clear. No sign of the shooter, where'd he go?
Jake: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Charles: Why are you shushing me?
Jake: I'm doing that thing where I listen really closely for a noise clue, like glass breaking or trash rustling.
Charles: Cool! Is it working?
Jake: No, not yet.
Charles: Because I'm talking?
Jake: Well, it's not helping.
Charles: Right, right, right. I'll be quiet.
Jake: You don't have to say you'll be quiet, just be quiet.
Charles: Okay. I'm sorry for not being quiet.
Jake: Once again, don't have to say.
Charles: Just wanna be clear what I'm doing.
Jake: Understood. I'm just gonna listen.
Charles: Okay. I'll be very quiet.
Jake: Don't have to say it.
Charles: Just wanna make sure you know what I'm doing.
Jake: Please stop.
Charles: So I don't throw you.
Jake: Okay, stop talking.
Charles: I'll stop talking.
Jake: Great.
Charles: I'll make sure I don't do that again.
Jake: All right, Charles, I love you, but you ruined it.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Sergeant Jeffords: Peralta, you're in charge of the manhunt for the shooter.
Jake: Oh, my God, it's a manhunt. And I'm the Manhunter.
Charles: And I'm your sidekick, the Boyhunter.
Rosa: Come on, dude.

Amy: My period's late, I think I might be pregnant.
Rosa: Oh, damn.
Amy: I can't be pregnant! Jake and I agreed to wait at least a year until we tried. I haven't found an OB, I'm not on any preschool waiting lists, and I spent all of yesterday in a room with Hitchcock and his new cologne, which can't be good for the baby it is literally called Zika!

Jake: Boyle, gather everyone up.
Charles: Oh, we starting a burn book about Holt? Let's drag him, baby!
Jake: No, someone saw our hoodie guy.
Charles: Right, we'll do the burn book later.
Jake: Attention, everyone, we have a possible sighting of our shooter on Hoyt Street. Detective Boyle and I will take Alpha unit. Smith, Fox-
Charles: You guard the burn book.
Jake: Charles, no.
Charles: Stand down.