Captain Holt: Anyhow, you took a vacation 14 days ago, and yet, you already want another day off? Odd, unless you need it for a unique, once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Perhaps a proposal to your girlfriend Jocelyn.
Rosa: What?
Captain Holt: You've been dating for a year, you've met each other's parents, and you just got your nails done to present her with a ring.
Rosa: Jocelyn broke up with me.
Captain Holt: What?
Rosa: I want the day off so I can sit alone and listen to death metal and get my head right.
Captain Holt: But what about my nail polish solve?
Rosa: Getting my nails done made me feel better for a second.
Captain Holt: Ahh! This is a trick to throw me off. I bet things are better than ever and you... Oh. You really are crying.

Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Captain Holt: So Diaz, I figured out why you wanna win. I hacked your work calendar.
Rosa: Those calendars are public. Everyone on the system has access.
Captain Holt: I hacked it. I'm a hacker.

Charles: Damn it, my pants. Sorry, everyone. Look away, look away.
Jake: Oh, damn.
Amy: Wow, who knew?
Jake: He really is the greatest showman.

Charles: Okay, here we go, everyone. The game begins when the elevator doors ding. Are you ready for the Hellevator?
Hitchcock: Buckle up. The juice is loose! I am, Hitchcock!
Jake: What the [bleep]?