Charles: Wow. So who you bringing?
Sergeant Jeffords: You know, Cagney and Lacey love "Kwazy Kupcakes." They are crazy Kwazy fans.
Jake: Huh, cool. Well, if you guys are free this Saturday...
Charles: Stop, before you say anything you regret, you should know that "Kwazy Kupcakes" means a lot to Nikolaj. At the orphanage, that game was his only friend.
Sergeant Jeffords: Touching, but Cagney and Lacey don't have any friends at all. Maybe they can make some at this event.
Charles: So what do you say, Jake? Whose kids do you like more?
Jake: What? Wait, wait, wait. That's not what this is about.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, Boyle's right. Whose kids do you like more? Tell us now.

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to:
Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Jake: Wait, Wuntch is dead?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. The Commissioner's office just notified us.
Captain Holt: No way that's true. As Wuntch says when she sees deodorant, "I'm not buying it."
Rosa: [laughs]

Sergeant Jeffords: Terry said he had some news from the office of Commissioner Wuntch.
Captain Holt: [groans] What does that human blister want now? Does she intend to demote me even further? Or perhaps she'll transfer me to the swamps of New Jersey so I can patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned.