Charles: What's going on here?
Amy: Oh, measuring the space. We finally got a work order approved to fix the outlet, so... [whispering] We can get a third vending machine.
Charles: What?
Amy: [whispering] A third vending machine.
Charles: Why are you whispering about getting a new vending machine?
Scully: New vending machine!
Hitchcock: What model number?
Charles: Oh, that's why.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Jake: So, what's going on? Anything exciting in your life that you maybe want to tell me about?
Doug Judy: I got a new job. I sit behind white CEOs when they have to testify before Congress, so they don't look so racist. Every 15 minutes I just whisper some nonsense at 'em.
[flashback:]
Doug Judy: The texture of quiche is unsettling.
[present:]
Doug Judy: I got paid $75,000 for that nonsense.

Jake: What the hell was that? You almost blew my cover.
Doug Judy: Yeah, they're all suspicious now. You have to help us convince them that Jake's not a cop.
Trudy Judy: Why? I don't understand why you invited him. This was supposed to be a crazy weekend of boobs and butts.
Doug Judy: Trudy Judy, you're not gonna see boobs or butts this weekend.
Trudy Judy: I'll see butts if I wanna see butts.

Jake: All right, look, Judy, I know you're getting married.
Doug Judy: Damn it, I didn't think you'd find out about that. Who told you, Ronnie? Bobby? Ricky? Mike?
Jake: Don't try and change the subject by tricking me into singing New Edition with you.
Doug Judy: I don't know what you're talking about. Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike...
Both: [singing] If I like the girl who cares who you like
Doug Judy: Whoo!