Captain Holt: Dillman is the single best detective I have ever worked with. Sadly, he was unjustly fired for investigating corruption in the NYPD. He hated dirty cops so much they used to call him Mr. Clean.
Jake: Uh-huh, I'm sure that's the only reason they called him that.
Dillman: Because I'm bald? You think that's funny? I started shaving my head 20 years ago in solidarity with my mother who was undergoing chemotherapy.
Jake: Oh, look, I'm so sorry...
Dillman: I'm obviously lying. It's classic male pattern baldness. But now, based on your reaction, I know every single thing about you as a person.
Jake: That can't be true.
Captain Holt: It is. You're cooked.

Jake: The point is a crime has been committed, and someone in this room did it. There are seven suspects all with means and motive. It appears what we have is a classic whodunnit.
Captain Holt: The phrase "whodunnit" is a grammatical abomination. Please use the proper term, a "who has done this."
Jake: I will not.

Dillman: So now I'd like to move on to a real suspect. I wanna see detective Diaz in the box.
Charles: [gasps]
Jake: What... don't gasp for him. What are you doing?
Charles: I'm sorry. It just slipped out.
Rosa: Title of your sex tape.
Jake: Yeah, it's... obviously it's the title of his sex tape. Everyone's taking my stuff.

Jake: Fair point, but we do shatter a lot of glass around here. Either it's Rosa who's disappointed in her Buzzfeed results...
[flashback to Rosa on a computer:]
Rosa: I am not a Blanche! [throws the mouse through a window]