Captain Holt: Peralta, you can't be here. You're suspended. And you're lucky it's not worse. The DA's office wanted you fired.
Jake: I'm being framed, and I know who did it. It was Dillman!
Dillman: [scoffs] I just met you today. Why would I do that?
Jake: Good question. It's because you want Holt to put you on that task force.
Captain Holt: Dillman can't be on a New York task force. The SFPD would never approve it.
Jake: Correct, only he's not SFPD. When you first arrived, you asked us to check the fingerprints against the AFI system, but that system hasn't been used in over five years by any police department.
Dillman: Well, I used the AFI system for 20 years. I guess I misspoke.
Jake: Oh, misspoke. I see. That explains everything. My apologies. I'm just gonna head back on out to exile... Just to double back.
Captain Holt: My God. He's double backing Dillman.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Jake: The point is a crime has been committed, and someone in this room did it. There are seven suspects all with means and motive. It appears what we have is a classic whodunnit.
Captain Holt: The phrase "whodunnit" is a grammatical abomination. Please use the proper term, a "who has done this."
Jake: I will not.

Dillman: So now I'd like to move on to a real suspect. I wanna see detective Diaz in the box.
Charles: [gasps]
Jake: What... don't gasp for him. What are you doing?
Charles: I'm sorry. It just slipped out.
Rosa: Title of your sex tape.
Jake: Yeah, it's... obviously it's the title of his sex tape. Everyone's taking my stuff.

Jake: Fair point, but we do shatter a lot of glass around here. Either it's Rosa who's disappointed in her Buzzfeed results...
[flashback to Rosa on a computer:]
Rosa: I am not a Blanche! [throws the mouse through a window]