Jake: Hey, there you are, and oh, my God what is happening?
Captain Holt: I've gotten mad, and now I'm getting even.
Jake: Okay, look, Sir, I know you're upset, but you need to stay calm and treat this like any other case. I mean, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but now is not the time to go all John Wick.
Captain Holt: Who's that? A friend of yours?
Jake: [sighs] I wish, but he's not a real person. He's a movie assassin that goes nuts when someone messes with his dog.
Captain Holt: Then call me "John Wicks," 'cause I'm about to go nuts.
Jake: It's "Wick," singular, and you already did go nuts.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Captain Holt: He's calling.
Jake: Sir, remember, we need two minutes for the trace.
Captain Holt: Two minutes, understood.
Jake: So just keep him talking and stay calm.
Captain Holt: Peralta, I'm in complete control.
Man: [disguised voice on the phone] Hello?
Captain Holt: Shut your damn mouth. I'm the one talking here.
Man: Then this is over. [beep]
Jake: And he hung up. Well, that could've gone better.

Captain Holt: So now I know who the sumbitch is who took my dog. The only problem is, I have no idea where to find that sumbitch.
Kevin: Well, Raymond, I think we can help you find that sumbitch. Jake?
Jake: Sumbitch. We all got to say it.

Jake: Let me show you what we found: A security camera grabbed some footage of Cheddar being picked up and put into a car which was registered to an anonymous shell company on Dean Street. We can be there in 15 minutes.
Captain Holt: That's weird. It's sunny outside.
Jake: Why's that weird?
Captain Holt: Because a [bleep]storm is about to rain down on that punk.
Jake: Oh, my God, I fell for it, and I loved it.