Captain Holt: As for prong four, Jeffords is recording the officers' secret meeting as we speak. And I expect he'll be bursting into my office any minute with the proof we need to end the Blue Flu.
[later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: I got the proof we need to end the Blue Flu.
Captain Holt: Wait, really?
Sergeant Jeffords: Why so surprised? That was the plan.
Captain Holt: Yes, but earlier, I was talking to the squad, and I put a lot of pressure on this moment, which I then regretted. I feared I might be hoist on my own petard.
Sergeant Jeffords: No petard hoisting here. They talked about everything in front of me... How they planned the whole thing, how long they were gonna pretend to be sick.
Captain Holt: And you recorded it all, despite your own illness. I must say, I'm impressed.
Sergeant Jeffords: Because of how tough I am, right?
Captain Holt: The toughest.
Frank O'Sullivan: [on tape] Okay, first things first. We got to get... [stomach gurgling]
Captain Holt: What... what is that?
Sergeant Jeffords: I had the mic close to my chest. So I guess it must have picked up my stomach noises, but I'm sure it stops eventually. [stomach gurgling on tape] More stomach. More stomach. It's all stomach.
Captain Holt: And there it is... the petard.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey." [Rosa cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Captain Holt: The union made it up as a power move. O'Sullivan wants me to issue a statement of public support for the officer, to give them all extra hazard pay and to wear this "Never Forget Burrito" ribbon.
Scully: Weird. It's the exact same color as my Color Blind Awareness ribbon.
Captain Holt: No, it isn't.

Captain Holt: I won't give in to any of their demands. The union is powerful, but I'm sure that most of our uniformed officers understand this incident is nonsense. It is, as Peralta would say, "No big 'whoop.'"
Jake: I appreciate the shout-out, sir, but I actually don't pronounce the H in whoop.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, all the uniformed officers just left. They're staging a walkout.
Charles: Well, it seems I was wrong. The "whoop" is big after all.
Jake: It is. Again, though, there's no H in whoop. It's silent.
Captain Holt: "Whoop."
Jake: Whoop.
Captain Holt: "Whoop."
Jake: Am I crazy? How do you say it?
Charles: I say "whoop."
Jake: Okay.

Captain Holt: No, like the famed weapon of the sea, forged by the Cyclops for Poseidon himself. The trident has three prongs, like my approach.
Jake: Ah, not to interrupt, but Aquaman's trident has five prongs.
Captain Holt: That's absurd. The prefix tri means three. What this aquatic-man carries is better termed a "pentadent."
Jake: No, it's a trident. They call it that in the original theatrical release and the Snyder cut. So you're 100% wrong, and everyone's laughing at you.
Captain Holt: Well, regardless, Operation Trident has three prongs. Prong one, Boyle and Peralta.
Jake: Oh, nice, the most important prong.
Charles: Mm-hmm.
Captain Holt: Wrong. Prong two, the center prong, is the most important prong on a trident. It's the longest and straightest and breaks the least often.
Jake: Are you just mad because I questioned you about the Aquaman thing?
Captain Holt: Yes.