Jake: Fortunately, I know how to find his personal computer thanks to his YouTube rants about the NHL.
Frank O'Sullivan: [video] This is Islanders Talk, and today's topic: can hockey have female fans?
Jake: Yeah, he's not a good person. Anyway, those videos are taken in the "man cave" in O'Sullivan's basement, so that's gotta be where his laptop is. Holt and I will be infiltrating his house and retrieving it.
Sergeant Jeffords: How are you gonna get past him?
Jake: He won't be home. We're gonna lure him out using his one weakness.
[flash-forward:]
Frank O'Sullivan: Rare Billy Joel memorabilia sale?
Carol: Oh, that's nice, hear.
Frank O'Sullivan: Ah.
[present:]
Jake: O'Sullivan will meet with an ex-roadie named Geronimo Rodriguez, who will actually be an undercover Terry Jeffords, our resident Billy Joel superfan.
Sergeant Jeffords: It was one time. You caught me lip-synching to "Uptown Girl" one time.
Jake: Nope, he's your favorite singer; everybody knows it.
Captain Holt: And you're the only one O'Sullivan hasn't interacted with. If he stumps you, Santiago will be nearby, feeding you Billy Joel facts into your ear.
Jake: You guys need to keep him busy and then use a piece of fake memorabilia to get a fingerprint we can use to unlock his laptop.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Rosa: What am I doing?
Jake: You, Charles, and Scully will be here, distracting Kevin and making sure he doesn't know Holt's working.
Captain Holt: And who will be on Cheddar duty?
Rosa: I mean, can't we just distract him with a bone?
Captain Holt: Bone? Bone?
Jake: Yeah.
Captain Holt: [yelling] Bone? Cheddar's not some street rat.

Captain Holt: I'm gonna check those CompStat numbers right now. I'm just gonna click on this video link entitled "Handyman fixes squeaky door, [bleep] customer."
Jake: Oh, my God.

Captain Holt: But I just received an email from my contact at One Police Plaza about our reform proposal.
Jake: Ah, yeah, speaking of that, now that the report is done, can you please tell Amy you're retiring? I don't like lying to her.
Captain Holt: So then you told her about the Top Shot?
Jake: I didn't need to because I traded it for an investment in The Rock's new cryptocurrency, which is currently worth... Oh, no, what happened to RockCoin?