Jake: Okay! We're gonna start off in teams. I'm sure everyone could use the extra help since this year's heist was so spur of the moment and no one had time to plan anything too complicated.
[flashback: 12 days before the heist:]
Jake: This year's plan is insanely complicated. Check it out.
[present:]
Jake: We will be selecting our partners with the help of a beloved Nine-Nine fixture, the big bag of loose teeth.
Rosa: What the hell?
Amy: Are those human?
Jake: It's evidence from a century of bar brawls. The story of New York is in this bag.
Sergeant Jeffords: The story of New York is gross.
Jake: Yeah, Terry, we live in a hell-mouth. Now, in this bag is a tooth with each of your initials on it. Who wants to root around inside and pick a partner?
Rosa: I'm not putting my hand in a bag of dirty, old teeth.
Jake: It's not dirt, it's old blood and dried phlegm. Who's in? No one? Are you really all that squeamish?
[flashback:]
Jake: Of course they're all that squeamish. It's part of my plan. I'll volunteer to reach into the bag so I can rig the selection process using...
this magnet. Pretty dope, right? I've also added metal fillings to certain teeth to ensure we get the pairings that we want.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Captain Holt: Wuntch's grave.
Rosa: Wow. Did Terry put up a balloon arch just for the heist?
Captain Holt: No, that was me. I come every week to install a fresh one. But enough chit-chat. Let's dig her up.
Amy: I don't think we wanna do that.
Captain Holt: Why, are you scared of what she'd look like? She's just a corpse with worms for eyes, no different than when she was alive.

Jake: So the heist is actually going to be the perfect goodbye.
Amy: What does that mean?
Jake: Drama, glamor, shocking twists and turns. And the whole heist ends up with everyone at the Brooklyn Bridge.
Amy: Is that meaningful? Have we ever been there together as a squad?
Jake: Uh, yeah.
[theme music plays over clip from opening credits]
Jake: I'm not sure why we all looked so intense, we were just getting falafel.
Amy: I mean, that falafel stand is really good.
Jake: True that, yeah.

Sergeant Jeffords: [on alarm app] Terry loves waking up. Terry loves waking up. Terry...
Sergeant Jeffords: Good morning, honey, time to... [screams] What the hell are you doing?
Jake: It's Holt and Amy's last day, so we're having a final heist! It's heist day!
Sergeant Jeffords: Couldn't you have just sent an email?
Jake: Nope, this was the only way. I have to go alert the others. See you soon!
[later, as Rosa opens her refrigerator:]
Jake: It's heist day, Rosa! [Rosa screams] Whoops, sorry about your milk. Gotta go!
[later, as Charles goes to wake Nikolaj up:]
Charles: Niko, it's time for school.
Jake: It's heist day, Charles!
Charles: Where's Nikolaj?
Jake: He's crying in the closet! Gotta go!
[later, as Amy walks into their bathroom:]
Amy: Babe, what are you doing?
Jake: I was hiding so I could surprise you. But if you're here, then who's in our shower?
Captain Holt: It's me, Captain Holt. It's heist day, Jake.
All: Oh!