Jake: So, here's the plan. I latch on to the bottom of the truck and unbolt the emergency exit hatch while it's still moving.
Charles: Oh, but that's impossible. Unless you finally did it?
Jake: I did.
[later:]
Jake: I bought us magnet suits! Check it out. [metallic thud]
Charles: No!
Jake: Ha-ha!
Charles: So sweet.
Jake: I got it off Ukrainian Etsy. They sell arts and crafts and tactical gear. It's a weird site.

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Jake: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Captain Holt: Wuntch's grave.
Rosa: Wow. Did Terry put up a balloon arch just for the heist?
Captain Holt: No, that was me. I come every week to install a fresh one. But enough chit-chat. Let's dig her up.
Amy: I don't think we wanna do that.
Captain Holt: Why, are you scared of what she'd look like? She's just a corpse with worms for eyes, no different than when she was alive.

Jake: So the heist is actually going to be the perfect goodbye.
Amy: What does that mean?
Jake: Drama, glamor, shocking twists and turns. And the whole heist ends up with everyone at the Brooklyn Bridge.
Amy: Is that meaningful? Have we ever been there together as a squad?
Jake: Uh, yeah.
[theme music plays over clip from opening credits]
Jake: I'm not sure why we all looked so intense, we were just getting falafel.
Amy: I mean, that falafel stand is really good.
Jake: True that, yeah.

Sergeant Jeffords: [on alarm app] Terry loves waking up. Terry loves waking up. Terry...
Sergeant Jeffords: Good morning, honey, time to... [screams] What the hell are you doing?
Jake: It's Holt and Amy's last day, so we're having a final heist! It's heist day!
Sergeant Jeffords: Couldn't you have just sent an email?
Jake: Nope, this was the only way. I have to go alert the others. See you soon!
[later, as Rosa opens her refrigerator:]
Jake: It's heist day, Rosa! [Rosa screams] Whoops, sorry about your milk. Gotta go!
[later, as Charles goes to wake Nikolaj up:]
Charles: Niko, it's time for school.
Jake: It's heist day, Charles!
Charles: Where's Nikolaj?
Jake: He's crying in the closet! Gotta go!
[later, as Amy walks into their bathroom:]
Amy: Babe, what are you doing?
Jake: I was hiding so I could surprise you. But if you're here, then who's in our shower?
Captain Holt: It's me, Captain Holt. It's heist day, Jake.
All: Oh!