Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I've made a terrible mistake. I am sorry about your pictures and your award and your computer...
Deputy Chief Williams: And yelling that I was wearing a wig and then trying to tear out my actual hair?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, that was a compliment! It's so thick and full for a man of your age.
Deputy Chief Williams: What?
Captain Holt: Let me handle this. The truth is, Lieutenant Jeffords acted like an irresponsible, insane madman.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Deputy Chief Williams: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Captain Holt: But looking at this incident from a different angle, it shows why he'll make a great captain. He's here before you owning his mistake. When I started at the Nine-Nine, I felt I had to be seen as infallible. But he taught me the importance of being seen as human. He made me a better leader. And you would be a fool not to make him a captain.
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry's touched.
Deputy Chief Williams: Yes, powerful words. As are these: happy heisting, suckas!
Both: What?
Deputy Chief Williams: Oh, you were right, this was a wig. [rips off wig] Ow. [exits]
Both: No!

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Now that that's been sorted, are there any questions?
Jake: Yes! I have a question! Captain Jeffords, are you ready for the Halloween Heist?
Sergeant Jeffords: What are you doing, Peralta? Last year was the final heist. We all agreed it was over.
Jake: Ah, Terry, you jolly simpleton. That was obviously a ruse. I mean, did you really think I was gonna let Hitchcock win the last heist? I mean, that would be crazy! Hitchcock? It would've been unforgiveable.
Hitchcock: That's true, it felt wrong.
Captain Holt: I know someone who's in. The old janitor, which is actually me! Deputy Commissioner Raymond Holt.
Amy: And he's not the only one. I'm in too.
Rosa: Me too.
Gina: As am I. Gina Linetti.
Jake: That's right, Terry, this is happening every year. We're in each other's lives forever, whether you like it or not. So, what do you say, Captain? Are we doing this?
Sergeant Jeffords: What I say is... Nine-Nine!
All: Nine-Nine!

Hitchcock: I bet you're all wondering how I pulled it off.
Rosa: Not really, but I guess that's the tradition.
Hitchcock: The key to the whole plan was that I never really retired or moved to Brazil. I've been living in the Beaver Trap this whole time.
Jake: Okay, but what was the rest of the plan?
Scully: Oh, we had not come up with it. But then Bill came by and offered to sell me the tube for 40 bucks and I won.
Scully: Pretty good stuff.
Hitchcock: Now, crown me.
Jake: Ugh, this stinks. Okay, Michael Hitchcock, you are an amazing human/genius and the Grand Champion of the Nine-Nine. Why is your head so sweaty?
Hitchcock: Oh, because that's actually butt skin from a botched hair transplant so there are more pores.
Jake: I can't believe this is how it ends, with Hitchcock's sweaty butt head.
Scully: I told myself I wouldn't cry.

Jake: The plan was lure everyone to the Brooklyn Bridge and give you all gifts. So, here's yours.
Charles: Oh!
Jake: The dummy tubes just unscrew.
Charles: Okay. The most recent issue of Fancy Brudgom magazine?
Jake: You know how you always wanted them to do a Fancy Bedste Venner feature on us?
Charles: Yeah, but that's just for the fanciest best friends.
Jake: Turn to page 63.
Charles: Oh, my God, you didn't. You did! We're Fancy Bedste Venners!
Jake: We're Fancy Bedste Venners!
Both: We're Fancy Bedste Venners!