Jake: All due respect, Sarge, but we don't need Alone Zones.
Charles: No, we do not. But, let me ask you a question, how do you feel about Scone Zones?

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Charles: Hey, Rosa, are you ready to go streaking?
Rosa: What?
Charles: That's what my dad and I called getting blonde streaks in your hair. We used to do it to our ponytails on road trips. You just take a little lemon up top, and let the sun do the rest. We called it giving each other road head.
Rosa: You just said you called it going streaking.
Charles: It had a couple names.

Charles: Are you blackmailing me? I don't have any money, Hitchcock. I'm still paying my uncle's funeral bills. I rear-ended the hearse. It was a mess.

Sergeant Jeffords: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a kid's book, Santiago!

Hitchock: Looks like Boyle's out and Hitchcock's in. What do you want to do tonight? Go to a strip club? Have dinner with my wife?
Jake: Are those separate options, or does she live at the strip club?
Hitchcock: You wanna know, you gotta go.

Captain Holt: Wuntchtime is over. Boom! Did it. Had it both ways. No regrets.