Captain Holt: I'm no stranger to unflattering test results.
[cut to Holt in a Doctor's Office]
Doctor: Your blood pressure's normal.
Captain Holt: Normal? Take it again!

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Jake: "Uh-oh, hope it doesn't get too sexual." Title of your sex tape. But seriously, what is taking so long. Also the title of your sex tape.

Captain Holt: Gina, you know I appreciate you, but you have to admit we're not exactly cut from the same cloth.
Gina: Apparently not. I am, of course, exotic silk, where you, sir, are snake skin.

Amy: I don't like it. Something stinks.
Hitchcock: Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to mask my natural musk with a bunch of chemicals.