Jake: That's not what I meant. No, we have to fight her.
Captain Holt: We're not going to fight her. She's the devil. And you don't dance with the devil because you get burned. Also, because in Madeline's case she has no rhythm, and her hands are like little rat claws.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey." [Rosa cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond. How do you like my new office? Twentieth floor.
Captain Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.

Sergeant Jeffords: We've got to make this place kid-friendly. No crime scene photos lying about.
Hitchcock: That's not a crime scene. That's a boudouir photo I'm having framed for my wife. That's me underneath the mask.

Jake: Captain, quick update. Another one of the Fulton Street Four was murdered here this morning.
Captain Holt: Huh. I'm surprised you're not celebrating inappropriately.
Jake: This is a crime scene and I'm a professional.
Captain Holt: You did it before I showed up?
Jake: Yep, that is exactly correct.