Jake: Yeah, man, we always love your costumes. Remember last year, when you came as that person and/or thing?
Charles: Yes, I do remember!

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Amy: He left a tiny crack in the blind, so I could read the Captain's lips.
"Sharon and your kids will distract Jake."
They'll be here at 9:30 sharp.
My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
Captain Holt: What?
Amy: My lip-reading is not flawless.

Gina: If I die, turn my tweets into a book!

Sergeant Jeffords: So we wanted Jake to take the crown?
Captain Holt: Sergeant, are you familiar with the Hungarian fencing term, Hossz Gorcs?
Sergeant Jeffords: You must realize my answer is no.