Jake: It's also not necessary to touch my face.
Charles: It's Christmas. A time for friendship.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Captain Holt: Diaz, are we still on for the polar bear swim tonight?
Rosa: It's either that or go carolling with my family, so yeah. I'd rather walk into the freezing ocean.

Jake: Oh my God, it's real life Die Hard. I mean, oh, no, crime.

Jake: Charles, did you call this into dispatch?
Charles: Yes, but I can't get in touch with anyone from the Nine-Nine.
Jake: Right. Amy, Rosa and Holt are having the time of their lives thrashing around in the frozen filthy ocean.