Charles: Thankfully, my ex-wife, Eleanor, made me get a vasectomy a year before that. As a precaution, I froze some sperm a lot of sperm. Guy going in after me was like, "Whoa, nice!"
Jake: Wow, he sounds like a gross dude.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Captain Holt: Dancing over. Situation defused.
Jake: No!

Jake: Are you guys wearing one scarf?
Genevieve: Yep, Charles forgot his this morning. It's actually quite romantic. I think he did it on purpose.
Charles: Uh, let's just say, I definitely did it on purpose. Now, twirl me, darling!

Jake: Oh, I should've known.
You're a hugger, not a shaker.
Charles: It was the most painful thing I've ever done, and I've taken three of my grandparents off life support.
Jake: How are you always in charge of that?