Charles: The cheese is amazing. It melts in my mouth and in my hands.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Gina: I'm scared of businessmen. A whole army of gray-suited Brads and Chads trying to suck my soul and redeem it for frequent flyer miles.

Scully: In 20 minutes, he's going in totally alone, unarmed, without a cell phone, to meet with one of their guys to set up a buy. So how do you like our plan now?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a disaster, man! We got to stop it!
Scully: Disaster? Tell me one thing that's wrong with Operation Beans.
Jake: Operation Beans?!

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, man, we need to know where Hitchcock is. I am ordering you to tell us everything.
Scully: Fine. We're setting up a sting. I'm going undercover as Tex Dallas, billionaire oil man from Dallas, Texas, with ties to the cowboy mafia.
Jake: Oh, boy.
Scully: Hitchcock's my middle man, Reno Vegas, mobster from Reno, Las Vegas.
Jake: I said my "oh, boy" too soon.