Captain Holt: I wish he would turn the radio down.
Jake: You think that's the radio? That sounds like professional music to you?
Captain Holt: All music after Mahler sounds exactly like that.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Captain Holt: Why'd you do it, Bob? Why'd you betray everything you ever stood for?
Bob Annderson: I spent 14 years bringing down a Mexican cartel. You know what they gave me for it? A letter of commendation with my last name misspelled.
Captain Holt: In all fairness, Bob, who spells "Anderson" with three Ns?

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Seamus Murphy: You ever want to do business again, my door is always open.
Captain Holt: Well, you should close it, lest you get moths. Good day.

Captain Holt: He only wants to use the block party as a cover for something criminal: a robbery, a murder, or something worse.
Jake: You don't know that for sure, and that's your loophole.
Captain Holt: I don't believe in loopholes.
Jake: What? Loopholes are the best. Remember that time when Pancake Palace had that all-you-can-eat deal, but they didn't set a time limit? I ate pancakes for a week for $3.99. All I had to do was sleep there and never shower.
Scully: What? Thanks for the invite, friend.

Rosa: I've never met anyone who cares so much about stupid bureaucracy.
Amy: Bureaucracy is not stupid. It's elegant. It's a beautiful puzzle waiting to be cracked. Every rule, every form has its purpose. It all fits together, and when the puzzle is solved and you take a step back and see the big picture, it's like staring into the face of God.