Captain Holt: I wish he would turn the radio down.
Jake: You think that's the radio? That sounds like professional music to you?
Captain Holt: All music after Mahler sounds exactly like that.

Seamus Murphy: You ever want to do business again, my door is always open.
Captain Holt: Well, you should close it, lest you get moths. Good day.

Captain Holt: He only wants to use the block party as a cover for something criminal: a robbery, a murder, or something worse.
Jake: You don't know that for sure, and that's your loophole.
Captain Holt: I don't believe in loopholes.
Jake: What? Loopholes are the best. Remember that time when Pancake Palace had that all-you-can-eat deal, but they didn't set a time limit? I ate pancakes for a week for $3.99. All I had to do was sleep there and never shower.
Scully: What? Thanks for the invite, friend.

Rosa: I've never met anyone who cares so much about stupid bureaucracy.
Amy: Bureaucracy is not stupid. It's elegant. It's a beautiful puzzle waiting to be cracked. Every rule, every form has its purpose. It all fits together, and when the puzzle is solved and you take a step back and see the big picture, it's like staring into the face of God.

Captain Holt: Did he say what he would do to him?
Jake: No, they ran over a huge pothole and then complained about de Blasio for the next hour.
Captain Holt: Yes, he needs to do something about the roads.

Captain Holt: Well, how are you gonna find out what his real plan is? He's smart, and he doesn't talk to anyone but his family.
Jake: I was worried about that, too, but that's when I remembered: "The Godfather."
Charles: The Diane Keaton movie.
Jake: No one refers to it as that, but Charles is right, she is in it.

Sergeant Jeffords: Pumping hard or hardly pumping, Gina?

Hitchcock: Hi, there. I'd like to humiliate some hussies, and I'm in a hurry.

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Gina. How's it feel to be back? Any trouble adjusting?
Gina: Adjusting to what?
Sergeant Jeffords: To life as a working mom. You have to juggle the baby, the job, your new business.
Gina: Terry, juggling isn't hard. That's why the salary for jugglers is so low. Name one rich juggler.
Sergeant Jeffords: Doesn't Dave Coulier juggle?
Gina: If you're reaching for Coulier, then you've already lost the argument, Terr-Bear.

Jake: Yes, it's in the impound lot! My brain baby's a genius. It's a miracle.

Captain Holt: Seamus Murphy.
Seamus Murphy: That's right. Remember how I saved your detectives from prison in exchange for a favor? The time has come-
Captain Holt: Wait. This isn't my order.
Seamus Murphy: What?
Captain Holt: This is an omelet. I only eat omelets on vacation.

Amy: Ready for a kick-ass assignment?
Rosa: Hell yeah. Let's do this. Wait, what do you mean by "kick-ass"?
Amy: Holt wants us to get that block party permit.
Rosa: Damn it. I guess I'll take the knife out of my pants.

Captain Holt: So, did you make contact with Murphy's weak link, Diane Keaton's brother-in-law?

Jake: Right, except for one thing: I also put a bug in the keys.
Charles: Of course he did. Guy's got more bugs up his sleeve than Oogie Boogie.
Jake: Don't get the reference.
Charles: Nightmare Before Christmas.
Jake: Oh.

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, being a working parent is hard. When my twins were born, I made Sharon keep the phone on all day just so I could listen to them. One month, I used 25,000 minutes. I'm sorry, I just realized I told you it sucks and there's no solution.
Gina: That's okay. It's kind of nice to hear this kind of thing from another parent, so thank you.

Rosa: We have to get that permit.
Amy: How? The forms don't make any sense. I mean, is anything even real?
Rosa: No. Odds are we exist in a computer simulation, but I don't have time to go down that rabbit hole.

Jake: Well, we're actually looking for some work right now. We just got into town from Miami.
Charles: Where we didn't sleep with the same prostitute.

Jake: Love all the lamps.
Kyle Murphy: Thanks. I accidentally ordered 100 lamps instead of one. They only give you, like, a six-month return window, so. You get it.
Jake: Totally.

Jake: All right, let's go over our covers one more time. We are small-time operators that just moved here from Miami. We piloted go-fast boats, moving contraband to Cuba.
Charles: Where we slept with the same prostitute.
Jake: No.
Charles: And she said you were the best she ever had.
Jake: Maybe.
Charles: And I should watch you to learn.
Jake: Back to no let's just not talk about our sex lives.

Gina: But there is one thing: I need a private place where I can pump. I was thinking maybe I could take this whole floor and you guys could move down to that place where we park.
Sergeant Jeffords: The garage?
Gina: Sure, if you think that works.

Captain Holt: All right, go make contact with Diane Keaton's brother-in-law.
Jake: Fredo. It's Fredo. It's one of the most popular movies of all time. Won best picture, so.

Amy: No, come on, Rosa. It'll be so cool. We get to go to SAPO, the Street Activity Permit Office. It is the oldest continuously operating permit office in the state.
Rosa: Pass. Find somebody else.
Amy: But we promised to help Captain Holt. Look, it'll be quick. We'll just go, get Murphy his permit, and maybe grab a few shots for the 'Gram. They have the original permits for the 1939 World's Fair.

Captain Holt: You asked me for a permit, and I got it. I've paid my debt. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bowl of mush to enjoy.

Jake: Look, I don't specifically know they're gonna do something bad to Kyle. They might just lightly beat him up, so we could do nothing. We could take the loophole.
Captain Holt: You do love loopholes.
Jake: I know we just put Seamus behind us, but unfortunately, you've made me a better person. I think we have to help Kyle.
Captain Holt: Good. I'm proud of you.
Jake: Oh. Sorry, it's just you said you're proud of me. That's my tear trigger. All right. Let's go save Kyle before the dam breaks.

Captain Holt: I will not be using a loophole, Peralta. As always, I'll be using the main hole or no hole. I choose no hole.
Charles: You just said "hole" way too much, sir.
Jake: And that's coming from Charles.
Captain Holt: Yes, that's concerning.

Jake: Captain, we think we found a way for you to do Murphy the favor and still live with yourself.
Captain Holt: Sounds like a loophole.
Jake: Nope, we found the main hole, and it is open for business.
Charles: Oh, gross.
Jake: Yep, sorry.

Jake: That truck is as empty as Jackson Browne's running surface. Empty? "Running on Empty"? He sings that song.
Sergeant Jeffords: Running surface?
Jake: Okay, so Terry didn't like it Charles?
Charles: Don't make me do this, Jake.
Jake: Whatever.

Jake: We did it. We reunited a family. Is this what it feels like to be Oprah?
Charles: You wish.

Jake: But secondly, in "The Godfather," Don Corleone had three sons: Michael, his favorite-
Charles: Diane Keaton's husband.
Jake: Mm-kay. Then there was Sonny, the hothead.
Charles: Diane Keaton's brother-in-law.
Jake: Charles, you're being distracting.
Captain Holt: No, he's not, he's actually helping me to follow this. Continue going through Diane Keaton's relatives.

Gina: You know, I don't even think Dave Coulier juggles.
Sergeant Jeffords: I Googled it. He doesn't.
Gina: Man what a trip.

Jake: Fine, Diane Keaton's other brother-in-law is Fredo, the screw-up, the weak link.
Captain Holt: And you think the Murphys have a Fredo?
Jake: Every family does, and in this family, his name is Kyle.
Captain Holt: Is he on a roller coaster?
Jake: Yes. It's his driver's license photo somehow.

Gina: I'm sorry, I went home. I was missing Iggy and I wanted to see her.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, well, you could've just told me.
Gina: Yeah, but I was embarrassed. I thought I'd be as incredible at being a working mom as I am at everything else I do: dancing, public speaking, capoeira, ghost hunting-
Sergeant Jeffords: You don't have to keep listing things you're good at.

Charles: So, you don't know about anything that's going down at all?
Kyle Murphy: No, but if you know anyone who's looking to buy a lamp for really cheap, I know a guy.
Jake: Oh, Kyle.
Kyle Murphy: Yeah, that's it. That's how they say it.

Jake: We still have time. Maybe there's a way to get Kyle back in with his family. Like, what if-
Charles: Ooh, Jake's wheels are turning. Your brain baby is crowning.
Captain Holt: Boyle, please. That's disgusting.
Jake: No, it's helping. I am having a brain baby.
Captain Holt: Then push, man, push.
Jake: Breathe.
Captain Holt: You can do this. You are so strong.

Scully: It's about our nap room.
Hitchcock: Guess how long Gina's been pumping for?
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't want to-
Scully: The last hour.
Hitchcock: Now, everyone knows Gina's using a Nodella Harmony Breastpump with 2-Phase Expression Technology for faster milk expression.
Sergeant Jeffords: You shouldn't know so much about breastpumps, Hitchcock.

Scully: Sarge, Hitchcock and I just uncovered something huge.
Sergeant Jeffords: You solved a crime?
Hitchcock: What? That's insane, no.

Amy: Okay. Okay, okay. This is just a puzzle, and I can figure it out. To get an approved 1290, I need an approved 1021-J, which I can't get without an approved 1290, which I can't get without an approved 1021-J, which I can't get without an approved 1290, which I can't get without an approved 1021-J, which I can't get without an approved 1290, which I can't get without an approved 1021-J.
Rosa: Okay. She's in a loop. You broke her brain. I'm gonna take her out of here.

Rosa: This is taking forever. Can't you just forge the signatures?
Amy: I'm a notary, Rosa. You can't say stuff like that around me. I could lose my stamp over that.

Sergeant Jeffords: Where were you?
Gina: Uh, just so we're on the same page, how long have you been here, i.e. how elaborate does my lie need to be?
Sergeant Jeffords: An hour.
Gina: Okay. The CIA contacted me, and there's some-

Rosa: Look, the fact that these forms are broken is a good thing. It means there are many mistakes.
Amy: Mistakes we can exploit.
Rosa: That's right. This is every form SAPO has put out for 100 years. We have to read every single one and look for miniscule mistakes that will help us get that permit. So you ready for a kick-ass assignment?
Amy: Hell yeah.

Rosa: Ok, why are you barefoot?
Amy: I'm violating uniform conduct code 773 because the rules are pointless because they were written by a hoarder who doesn't care.
Scully: Same here. Fight the power.

Amy: Anyway, she's the only person that can figure this out. She understands the bureaucracy on a level that we mortals can't even fathom.

Captain Holt: This isn't one of your movie plans, is it?
Jake: First of all, if we had developed a "Minority Report" style pre-crime division like I suggested, we wouldn't be in this Seamus mess, and it's not just because I wanted to go like this, although I did.

Rosa: Who's this lady we're meeting?
Amy: The source, Florence Tinj. She ran the rules and regs department for 30 years. She wrote the forms. She has touched every life in this city.
Rosa: Not mine.
Amy: Yeah-huh. Haven't you ever filled out a mileage reimbursement form?
Rosa: No, dude, I make you do those for me.
Amy: Right, I'm so grateful to you for that.

Jake: So we did it.
Scully: I can't believe it's all wrapped up.
Jake: Do you even know what we did?
Scully: No. Just feeling out how close we were to calling it a day.
Jake: Soon, Scully.