Rosa: All right, Sarge. The car is yours.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? Why? I don't deserve that car.
Rosa: I don't know about that. I went back and watched the tapes to figure out how you did it. Right before the drawing, you got a peanut butter cup out of the freezer. The thing is, you don't eat sugar past 4:00 p.m.
Sergeant Jeffords: Could have been a cheat day.
Rosa: Oh, it was definitely a cheat day. You froze your slip of paper, so that when you pulled the name, all you had to do was find the cold one.
Sergeant Jeffords: So, you thought the way I cheated was so cool, you gave me the car?
Rosa: Yeah, but also while I was watching those tapes, I noticed all the nice crap you do for people. You got Gina a cushion for her chair. You let Charles show you 130 pictures of Nikolaj brushing his teeth. You Heimlich'd Scully twice.
Sergeant Jeffords: On the same peanut. I also solved a murder.
Rosa: Yeah, we all solve murders, but you, you let Hitchcock borrow a pair of your socks, because his somehow disintegrated. Anyway, I'm sorry I guilted you in the first place. You deserve that car.
Sergeant Jeffords: Thanks, Diaz.

Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Gina: I did a little sleuthing on your rivals. You want me to spill the beans?
Captain Holt: Why would you ever intentionally spill beans? They're one of nature's most densely packed protein sources, and they remain unsullied by flavor.

Amy: Oh, maybe we should look at anagrams of the answers.
Vin Stermley: That's really good, "o nasty amiga!"
Jake: Oh, what?
Amy: He re-arranged the letters of "Amy Santiago". He anagrammed me! Vin, do Jake Peralta.
Jake: I doubt that's even possible.
Vin Stermley: Eat a jerk, pal.
Jake: What, no one's ever said that phrase.

Captain Holt: Let me begin with a hilarious joke. I'm surprised I was on the short list for commissioner. After all, I am six feet tall.