Captain Holt: If you really think it's necessary, I will establish a social media presence. But I'll be setting up my own accounts, and I assure you, I won't be resorting to foolish gimmicks involving my dog.
Gina: Uh, you might want to rethink that stance, because how cute would Cheddar look in this hat?
Captain Holt: Please. When it comes to clothes, Cheddar wears little booties in the snow, or Cheddar wears nothing.

Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Adrian Pimento: I'm an insurance investigator now.
Charles: I thought you were in Alaska.
Adrian Pimento: Oh, yeah, I was after Rosa and I broke up. But then I accidentally killed a "protected buffalo", self-defense. Next thing I know, Fish and Game are all over my ass. I ended up in a fight with a bear, and I had to think to myself, why am I even here?
Jake: Wait a minute. You fought a bear?
Adrian Pimento: Big time. The trick on that: head-butt him in the penis, push him over a cliff.
Jake: Ah, I bet that works with a lot of animals.
Adrian Pimento: Only the male ones. Learned that the hard way.

Rosa: So what do you think?
Amy: Mm, I don't love the sash. But it's fine. I'm just gonna get it.
Rosa: What? That's the first one you tried on. I once saw you look at 54 different accordion folders and not buy any of them due to weak tabs.
Amy: I file hard. I need strong tabs.

Adrian Pimento: I got a way better job now. I'm working at one of those fancy hand lotion stores. Spoiler alert: I have a gun again, and I've gotten to use it three times. You would be surprised how often teenage girls try and shoplift mango hand cream.