Charles: No, no, tonight is about creating a bond that will last forever. Tonight is about The Batch Boys.
Jake: Eh, we can brainstorm the name later.
Charles: No, we can't because I already made fanny packs.
Jake: Ah, well, that settles that.
Captain Holt: This, uh, clearly says "Bach Boys".
Charles: No, it's "batch". You know, like the beginning of "bachelor". I've been working on this for ten years don't ruin it!

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Amy: I'm so excited for tonight. Thank you to my best friend, Kylie, for organizing this. And thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen.
Rosa: I still don't get why you guys are here.
Hitchcock: Well, as I understand it, Amy lost some sort of bet with Jake.
Amy: It's true. In hindsight, we should probably stop making major decisions through bets and competitions.

Sergeant Jeffords: We've been at this bachelor party for over an hour, wandering around aimlessly and we haven't done one bachelor party thing!
Captain Holt: Well, Terry, if you'd like, I could share a lewd story. Kevin got me quite horny this morning.
Jake: Oh, see?

Jake: And gentlemen, welcome to my bachelor party. This is the elite party squad. That is, assuming the captain is ready to let loose?
Captain Holt: Captain? I don't think so. I want you guys to think of me as one of the boys. So tonight I'll be swapping out my captain's hat for my Kangol hat. Call me Raymond.