Quote from Scully in the episode Monster in the Closet
Amy: Wow. The chairs look amazing. I can't believe you two aren't my biggest problem today.
Hitchcock: We're not? Who is?
[off-screen] Captain Holt: My arch. Isn't she beautiful?
*Amy rolls her eyes*
Scully: I got eye-rolled to, not about!
Quote from the episode Suicide Squad
Jake: Hitchcock, can you top it?
Hitchcock: Mine has mother's hospital bed.
Amy: Okay, Scully?
Scully: I got this one red door I've never been able to open and I hear screams behind it sometimes. But it's probably just the wind.
Jake: Okay, that's actually too scary.
Quote from the episode Lockdown
Amy: Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?
Jake: Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, Scully.
Scully: Nah. Mine are never that serious. I call 'em "oopsies".
Quote from the episode Sabotage
Hitchcock: All that investigating was exhausting. Besides, we did our share of that in the seventies and eighties. Now, we like to do paperwork in our comfy chairs.
Scully: If we're away from our desks for too long, they'll update our computers and we'll lose Minesweeper.
Quote from Scully
Amy: Scully and Hitchcock, you're in charge of seating.
Scully: Smart move, Amy. I've been called the Leonardo da Vinci of sitting on my ass.
Quote from Adrian Pimento
Charles: And now Nikolaj says he's too frightened to ever sleep again, so that's just superduper.
Adrian Pimento: I don't understand what he's so scared about. If I was there to kill him, he never would've heard me.
Charles: A thing you told him several times.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: Right, Santiago?
Amy: The arch sucks! I'm sorry. I didn't want to say anything because you're my boss and you were so excited, but the truth is every time I look at it I wanna die and take you with me.
Captain Holt: Well, I wish you'd said something before I spent all day making it. Of course, you didn't want to "burst my bubble". Pun intended. And then you did. [starts popping balloons]