Doug Judy: Trudy, running from the cops is a felony. That means no more nursing school.
Trudy Judy: Good. It sucked. I only went to, like, one class.
Doug Judy: What?
Trudy Judy: It was boring as hell. So then I started running Internet scams. Then there was identity theft. I was Queen Latifah for a bit. Then Lil' Kim. That was less believable. But then I found your old notebooks. How come you never told me how much fun car thieving is?

Jake: [singing] Doug Judy I wish you were alive, Doug Judy God will give you a high five [high-pitched] Doug Judy-
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, no, he gave himself a key change.
Jake: [singing] Yeah, yeah, yeah, Doug Judy You're a friend, friend, friend Doug Judy! [screeching] This song is at its end Thank you so much. [screeching]
[talking] You've been a great audience. I mean, it's a funeral. That's psychotic. I'm so sorry.

Rob Dulubnik: Okay, defectives. My guys can handle that.
Amy: Oh, can they? 'Cause the Nine-Nine's about to bring the real heat.
Hitchcock: Get ready for the back draft, bitch.

Charles: We don't want anyone getting alcohol poisoning, so if you throw up, you're disqualified.
Rosa: I never throw up. I just tell my stomach to deal with it. My body is terrified of me.