Jake: Boyle, why don't you show Danger what a fax machine is.
Charles: Okay. Imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Jake: Here, my email is-
Jack Danger: Uh, no email. I'll send it to you with r-mail, which is to say, real mail. Because email has put hundreds of my co-workers out of work.
How would you like it if they laid off all of your fellow detectives and partnered you with a robocop?
Jake: I've literally drawn sketches of that.
Charles: The robot has a backpack that can carry me.

Jack Danger: There are five people responsible for key collection in the city.
Jake: Boom! That's our list of suspects. We shall call them the fellowship of the key.
Charles: I honestly think you are the greatest man who ever lived.

Captain Holt: Santiago, I may need you to come in for a bit on saturday.
Amy: Again? Are you kidding me, man? (Gasps) I'm sorry. Let's start fresh. Hi!
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, my God.
Captain Holt: What just happened?
Gina: Her mind finally snapped, like a stale breadstick.