Jake: Guys, guess who I'm about to see.
Charles: The Boobs? Michael Buble?
Jake: You're the only one who calls him that.

Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.

Gina: My mom is marrying, shudder, Charles's dad, toilet emoji.

Captain Holt: I remarked afterwards that I wished the officiant had been more efficient. It was very funny. Kevin still talks about it. Maybe I should open with that zinger?

Gina: Give me the ring.
Jake: You sound like Gollum.
Gina: That means nothing to me. I don't see those movies, I'm too pretty.