Captain Holt: Everyone, this is my nephew Marcus. He's new in town. He's staying with me until he finds a place. He is 31.
Gina: You are a terrible hype-man.

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Gina: Have you seen Captain Holt? Tall, handsome gentleman dressed like an airline pilot.

Sergeant Jeffords: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a kid's book, Santiago!

Hitchock: Looks like Boyle's out and Hitchcock's in. What do you want to do tonight? Go to a strip club? Have dinner with my wife?
Jake: Are those separate options, or does she live at the strip club?
Hitchcock: You wanna know, you gotta go.

Captain Holt: Wuntchtime is over. Boom! Did it. Had it both ways. No regrets.